Fantastic Flora Weekly Gardener's Blog
by SuperSockMonkey
Summary: This story of a regular botonist is all in a blog format. The person describes how their life is going great with their new house and flower shop business. But knowing the game Plants vs Zombies, something is going to happen to the happy la la land of this person. Enjoy this humorous story of zombie infested tale of flowery goodness, Muahahaha!
1. Edition 1 Blooming into Home Sweet Home

_Different layout this time, instead of a story, this is a blog of the (almost) everyday gardener, trapped in the theme of PLANTS VS ZOMBIES, the brilliant castle defense system game. This person (a girl by the way ), is sharing their story with us about what their garden life will be like (and no, this isn't real…) But of course, the game not only has Plants in the title, but Zombies as well… Something's going to go wrong, you can just feel it, right lol? This entry is entitled "Blooming Into Home Sweet Home" as you can see on the 'page' header. Enjoy!_

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_Fantastic Flora Weekly_; **Gardner's Blog Edition 1** Entitled: "Blooming Into Home Sweet Home" Pg 56

HEY PEEPS! Tis I again, planting, growing, and harvesting the thirst of those who seek their potted glory. My experience can become yours, and all you have to do is follow my posts. I am a botanist for a living, because I am opening a flower shop called The Toadstool's Neighbor. It's not just going to carry flowers and cracked pots, but the flowers will come assorted and decorated specially. Not to mention the adorable lattice cottage I'm going to have built for it, just as if I took it right out of a European Country! I already bought the property for it, which is right down the street near the town. I'm going to get my uncle to get all the precise measurements, since I already gave him the design, but he can't do anything until he has his morning coffee, but better LATTE than never XD… and I made sure to ESPRESSO myself in my design XD. Okay, okay, I'll stop with the cheesy torment.

WELL! I finally up and left my tiny, plant-less apartment in the city and moved to suburbia, where all gardens compete with each other. I moved to *********, New Jersey! My house is a BEAUTIFUL cream color with terracotta rust colored roof. There are adorable little patio stones on the right of the lawn leading up to the house, and a white (rather crooked, but in style) picket fence lining both sides. The backyard has sliding glass doors, a cute red charcoal grill, as well as a restaurant style umbrella over a metal table with matching chairs. There is also a LONG pool that spans from the backyard patio all the way to the back of the fence- a straight rectangle (also simple enough as to not look as arrogant), but why such a long, simple shape?

LOL, well, I can't really argue, because the main reason why I moved here was because of the GREAT view of the graveyard across the street. I can now do rubbings, to, perhaps, decorate the pots that I'll sell with the flowers. The stones are so old, and intricate, and the whole grey-green place gives a calming, dead-quiet sensation of relaxation. I love the eeriness of the graveyard, and set an interesting backdrop when I should build my greenhouse. I also meet interesting in-need-of-flowers people for graves, because I seen a small child with a twirling hat walk into the graveyard- poor kid, probably going to see their grandpa. Don't fear! "Flower Girl" is coming here (I know, stupid superhero name, don't judge :D ).

So far, things are going great. The only things I have planted so far are begonias in a slop of mulch next to the house. But things are kicking off great! I'll make sure to update you as needed.

-Pseudonym The Spontaneous Sapling


	2. Edition 2 Tiptoeing trough the Tips

_Yes, if you are wondering, the tips below are actually from my own garden. And, what's this? What has happened to our dear writer? Is he alright? The next addition of Fantastic Flora Weekly will only reveal! The name of this chapter is "Tiptoeing through the Tips." Yes, named from the song (Tulips instead of Tips)._

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_Fantastic Flora Weekly_; **Gardner's Blog Edition 2** Entitled: "Tiptoeing through the Tips" Pg 56

It's been a week everybody! Construction on my shop has begun, and it's looking wonderful. I've discovered that no one has walked in those graveyards since… forever ago. So whoever that kid was I seen, must be a poor lost soul, I should help them the next time I see him- her- whatever they were. *sigh*, I also discovered that I have a strange neighbor that seems to live in his car… and wears a frying pan on his head… Okay… but he's a garden freak like me, so I'm sure he reads magazines, so I better limit myself to what I say. This Crazy Dave character seems to constantly watch the graveyard and my own house. Why is HE so curious?

Anyway, this isn't why I'm getting paid. So I bought sunflowers, peas, and walnut plants, but I haven't planted them yet, I'm still deciding on the best location. On the side of my house, I planted watermelon, tomatoes, cantaloupe, pumpkin, and marigolds. Nothing much so far, but it's the beginning!

Here are the tips of gardening for the week:

Watermelon grow best in full sunlight and apparently does well in sandy-like soil combined with Miracle-Gro (yes, even experts use the good stuff: D). Out of the 16 planted, all 16 grew! O.o

Marigolds seem to keep away rabbits, and bugs that eat away at the vegetables, so always keep a border of marigolds around your veggie garden.

And don't forget about tomatoes! They need to be in a LOT of sun, but shaded once in a while, because they wilt easily, and normally if you see a plant wilt, your first thought is to water it extra. WRONGO! Stick to your regular watering amount and schedule. If a tomato plant is watered too much, all the tomatoes will split and look nasty (trust me on this one).

Pumpkins have the same aspects of watermelon; follow through with the same idea.

Cantaloupe is a tough little plant that fails to grow in sandy soil, and needs to be treated to Miracle-Gro almost completely (grrr).

Well, there's the tips of the week, tune in for more tips next week! Oh, someone's on the front lawn, better go answer the door, well, it looks like that kid I seen the oth- CRAP! WHAT IS THAT? Gotta submit this… wha-


	3. Edition 3 Chuck Em with Weeds

_Third chapter already! AWESOMENESS! Read on to find out how our dear author is doing… and honestly, why were the zombies buried in football gear and marathon clothes? BUT I LOVE THIS GAME XD so I won't judge LOL. I also describe a good layout for the first few levels in the game. This chapter's called "Chuck Em with Weeds" (and watch out for ghost buster jokes lol)_

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_Fantastic Flora Weekly_; **Gardner's Blog Edition 3** Entitled: "Chuck Em with Weeds" Pg 56

Okay, I know this is going to sound crazy, but there were… zombies on my front lawn. Call me insane, but these things were like they came straight out of Minecraft! They had decaying, tight green skin, with yellowed rotten teeth. They seemed to have work clothes on with cones on their head, and even a metal bucket! They kept chanting in this eerie voice, _"We're coming." _And indeed they were! Even at the slow, impending rate, they were… coming horrifyingly close. I would have been as good as dead if that neighbor of mine, Crazy Dave, didn't randomly come up to me crying for me to plant those sunflowers, saying that they give more "sun points," whatever they were, but they seemed to help.

He told me the more points I got, I could plant more, so I just started digging like crazy (what was I going to do, chuck them with a weed?)! I planted more sunflowers, but the zombies started to eat them over my nicely laid out sod! So I started to move them towards the back. Then I took the pea seeds I bought earlier, but Dave did something to em'. They had these giant openings on the front of them, with EYES in the back, and they started to shoot peas at the line of zombies and apparently… killing the un-dead. Now that I mention it… the sunflowers seemed to be SMILING at me? What the what does a plant need to smile for (not to ask how). Then these walnut plants also were affected by that guy Dave, because they had gargantuan eyes, but I didn't question it, because they stopped the zombies from passing. By the exhausting end, the fat lady had sung- so to speak- and I was covered in dirt, and my lawn was filled with the now truly dead (where the heck am I going to put these guys?).

And it was, like, midnight until they quit, and they were TOUGH! And all of a sudden, these football zombies came out of nowhere, and I don't know where they got the Zamboni tm! Then there were protective shields, and at the end of each wave, they seemed to drop even more mutated seeds. WHERE THE WHAT are these guys getting the clothing, cuz then there were these disco zombies… Makes me wonder what happened to the last guy who lived here…

Okay, tips of planting for the week (fine, with all the pressure, I'll still give tips):

When planting sunflowers, always be sure to put them near the back of the yard.

Put the peashooters in front of them once you get enough sun (at least two rows worth)

Then for the finale, put the wall nuts in front of them and your force will be invincible.

I stopped to ask myself what just happened, when all of a sudden; Dave pulls up in his car and wants to sell something called "Twiddydinkies". This guy is really CREEPING ME OUT HERE! Oh, what's this? My mailbox held a single note "We are about to launch an all-out attack on your houze. Sincerely, the Zombies." All I have to say… BRING IT OOON! When there's something strange… in the neighbor hooood, who you gonna call? ZOM BUSTERS! (Wow, I just ruined it right there, forget I ever said that). I'M AFRAID OF NO ZOMBIE! The only thing I would be afraid of is the Stay Puff Zommellow Man. (Once again, I love movies). But I know all about Zombies now (I think), so BACK OFF, I'm a scientist!

Wait, is anyone out there even reading these articles? By now, I'm sure that some gardening robotic cop would have read this and come to my rescue. *slaps forehead* of course! I need PROOF! Okay, I'll make sure to take snapshots the next time these fellows decide to drop by to eat my brains out.

-Pseudonym The Spontaneous Sapling


	4. Edition 4 The Zombie Terminator

_Hey everybody! Life's going great for this epic gardener. New chapters are yet to come. This chapter's also bringing in the funnies Enjoy! This blog's called "The Neighborhood Zombie Apocalypse Terminator". And I'm going to let you know in this author's note that none of this is real ._

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_Fantastic Flora Weekly_; **Gardner's Blog Edition 4** Entitled: "The Neighborhood Zombie Apocalypse Terminator" Pg 01

Okay, so I know that I should be defending for my life, but I also have to be concerned with my new life. My shop was finished late last week, and the shortest way to it is across the graveyard. I know I said it was down the street, but it is at least a five block walk, and taking a route through the graveyard would be easier. Of COURSE they are after my life, so I just take a super long way around it. All the plants I've planted in my yard I have dug up and put in my store, because as I beat up more zombies, I get WAY better plants to deal with. So instead of flowers, you can pick up your feisty assortment of veggie-flower-ultra fun package today.

The zombies have now moved to the back of the house, where the swimming pool is. Now they're trying to swim across, so I have to plant all these lily pads and stuff. EWWWWWWWWW I'm never gonna swim in that thing ever again! Then at nighttime, I can't get any sun, so I have to plant… mushrooms of sorts. And there are graves in my YARD (where did they come from?). Okay then… um, yeah, moving on. So now I sell all these sorts of excess plants that I can't put anywhere except for my store, which, I think actually reels in the money! People say "Oh, this is cute; I've never seen this before eveeeerr." I'm all like, shut up, these things are the average Avengers on my book . I'm really getting used to these zombies, so I'm thinking to myself "Go ahead, MAKE MY DAY!" They have to feel like "Pretty lucky punks." (Okay, here I go again with jokes, but I love Clint Eastwood ).

Okay, also to add in, Fantastic Flora Weekly called me into their headquarters, and they were angry saying, "What is this zombie swarming business? This is a PLANT magazine, and you're making mutated plants look like Batman!" and I just said, "EXACTLY!" Of course, few seconds after that, the executive director came charging in like the Trojans were attacking, and kept shouting how my articles were pulling in the business. He kept ranting on until he realized that I was sitting right there with a huge sunflower grin on my face, and the boss laughed uneasily and raised my pay. KNOW THAT'S RIGHT! Page stupid 56 to page 01!

I'm already making a fortune on the coins these zombies drop. Then again, I'm so spending it all on clothes (as any normal zombie apocalypse fighting girl would), and (sadly) those weird Twiddydinkies Dave sells, but I have to admit that they are helpful. And my flower shop is like easy cash. I now only wait for what the zombies bring me now! Wahahahaha!

Oh, forgot to mention, I tried to take pictures of the zombies and videos as well, but every time I take the time to raise my camera, they drop "dead" to the ground and don't move while at the same time avoiding the peashooters (the little cheats). So if I do try to take pictures, it'll look like I'm a murderer on the loose. Or a grave digger looking for Frankenstein parts and randomly taking pictures of it on my lawn. I'm telling you though, If I had a dead walking zombie, I would let the world know, but for now, this is all the public fantasy. All of you probably think that I'm still sitting on my couch typing this for cash, staying the course of laziness. But no, If I STAY THE LAZY COURSE, I AM DEAD, I AM ALL DEAD! (Name that movie). Plants: Come with me if you want to live… Zombies: You are Terminated (not).

-Pseudonym The Spontaneous Sapling


	5. Edition 5 Make like a Plant and ATTACK

_Today, class, we are covering the evasion techniques of fog defense. There's a final exam tomorrow, so study up! Actually, I don't know how many more chapters there will be I'm stretching the story as far as it needs to go heheh. No one's made a comment too… Please, feel free to. Once again, more cheesy jokes, but I'm proud of that. Enjoy all of you "Back to the Future" fans. This one is called "Make like a Plant and ATTACK."_

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_Fantastic Flora Weekly_; **Gardener's Blog Edition 5** Entitled: "Make like a Plant and ATTACK" Pg 01

Seriously. Fog. What am I, living a Scooby Doo? This is just dandy because it also happens to be in the backyard WITH the pool. So now I have to take the extra step to place lily pads. Not to mention that there are now air zombies using balloons (where did they buy the helium?). Anyway, I have to blow them away now using some sort of wind thingy. The only problem I have is that I'm getting sick of the dead flesh scent (choking from it). Nighttime. Fog. I feel like the Insidious demon's going to hop out of the corner and finish the Zombies' job. Either that or the guy from Scream's going to give me a call. Sidetracking a bit, but I just hate how people walk downstairs and say… "Hello?" as if the killer's going to be like "Yeah, in the kitchen, want a sand which?" Course Zombies aren't so secret. Perhaps if they were, I'd be dead by now.

Okay, other than that terrorizing input, I've been having fans of this blog actually traveling to buy plants from me from my shop (no idea how they figured out who I am, since I use a pseudonym and blocked out my location… weird…)! There are even people taking pictures of the graveyard and my house. I've been signing magazines like I've gone back in time and became one of the Monkees! Fame is great and all, but I need to get "Back to the Future" where I'm an ordinary individual that leads a monotonous life of selling weeds. Okay, I put that really badly, but you get the idea. I need to "make like a tree" and finish these zombies off so I can live life like a normal person. All I need is a DeLorean so I can get back in time and tell myself to not move here, or by "jumping gigawatts", something will happen to the Earth's gravitational pull. That's heavy… But some good has come out of this excursion.

Here are some techniques for planting, because that's the whole reason why I'm writing these:

You're going to need two rows of sunflowers, and only put the peashooters in columns where the zombies are coming from. Put the sunflowers in the very back.

Then you need to focus on your defense, and build up on your walnuts.

Use the once-in-a-while breaks the zombies give you to replace damaged walnuts.

On the conveyor belt level, make sure that the fighter plants (peashooters etc.) are a little before the center row, and put whatever defense in front of that.

Hold on, I need to plant a Plantern… there we go, nice and bright- CRUD where's the Blover? Yeah, parachute back to your grave of dirt and gravel! And they dropped a taco. Figures, I'm not even going to ask. But hey, I get to buy a Doom-Shroom and Cattails, should come in handy (calm down, Dave, jeeze; at least you have a car to drive away in). Slip through the conveyor belt challenge with ease, and on to the last wave of zombies. Oh! Stupid zombie got through a row, good thing the lawn mower trucked them over. AND DONE!

Waaait a second… what is that? *gasps* a new breed of zombie, it's the one… the only… zombie YETI! Putting extra peashooters in that row and the undead is dead! With diamonds! Probably the only reason why I haven't moved yet is all the sponsors and cash I'm dragging in. I don't mean to sound greedy, but this is really worth it! Cash from zombies, sponsors, Flora Weekly, my shop… Let's see here, since this is edition 5… that means these past five weeks, I've earned- a number with a lot of zeros… (not telling you ).

Ah, I think this is almost it for the zombies, I mean, it's just becoming dawn, and no problems here! Still, where's Mario and his stomp power when you need him? Better yet, where's JACK BAUER? We need his pistol power here. I'll give him 24 hours to eliminate this invasion. And with Jason Bourne by his side, just sit back and relax in the comfort of my cozy little corner here with my laptop! There's nowhere else for the zombies to charge, and OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOW, getoffgetoffgetoffgetoff my heeeead-

-Pseudonym The Spontaneous Sapling


	6. Edition 6 Despicable Weeds

_Just another note to add. I was playing the DS version of PvsZ, and reading the PvsZ wiki (probably based off the PS3 version). And I got all the way up to chapter 5 until I realized I never finished the game, so I had to turn it on and finish it to keep writing LOL. Thanks again everyone for reading! Feel free to comment! Have some Despicable Me quotes in this one- the movie that I positively LOVE :D_

_Fantastic Flora Weekly_; **Gardener's Blog Edition 6** Entitled: "Despicable Weeds" Pg 01

Sorry about that, chief. That whole "get off my head *echo echo echo* was a spider. Just an itty bitty one. What I just did there… was an epic fail.

You'd think that once hundreds of zombies are able to reach your house, they'd go through the front door, right? WRONG, now they've gone to the roof. Aren't the brightest of bulbs out there, are they? Well, this is getting ridiculous. Apparently because of the "angle" I have to get a couple of catapult plants. I swear, whenever I finish a wave of zombies, they drop new plants… HOW DOES THAT WORK OUT? Not just any plants, but the catapult plants that will help me beat them. Jeeze and 

CRUD! WHAT WAS THAT? Stupid Bungee Zombies. Where are they jumping from? NOO they're taking my plants! Alright, this means war! Sunflower. Pot. Sunflower. Two rows of pots. Walnut. Sunflower. Catapult. Corn flinging thingpault. And back everything up with roof cleaners. This… this has to be it… these zombies can't hold up much longer. Sure I'm getting rich out of it, but I wasn't planning on becoming a superhero of myself. I looked across the graveyard so long ago… six weeks ago. I seen dark beauty. I look across the graveyard now.

I see dead people… (shoot, that's what I should have said earlier :D )

(Aside from another tiring level) Well, this is just about one of the easier levels so far except for the whole giant and mini zombie deal. Otherwise, it was soooo easy to pass. All I had to do was still keep the sunflowers in the back, and plant the catapults and a line of defense of course (perhaps save room for a jalapeño or two for those bug guys. At last, I vanquish all zomb- oh look at that, another letter. Let's see here… By Edgar Zomboss (how is his last name Zomboss?).

To sum up the letter, this means another epic boss battle. Wow, I feel like I'm in a video game right now. You ever get that feeling? Anyway, time to finish off this guy. I have my conveyor belt on the move. I mean, come on. What's this guy going to do, create a mathproblem for me to eat? I mean so far, these guys have just made my mood "Despicable", making me also want to make some sort of Shrinking Ray to miniaturize these guys. I shall defeat these guys with "Both Direction and… MAGNITUDE! OH YEAH!" Here he is… "My Turn…"

*dramatically looking upwards in absolute terror*… *sweatdrop*… He's seriously got a giant robot zombie. Impressive and tough looking, I'll admit, but for crying out loud, he could have just built something to, I don't know, bomb my house when I'm outside (making me vulnerable). *sighs* Alright, this is it, Zomboss, DAVE WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE? Stop talking so fast, DAAAAVE, Behind You, not the Bungee Zombie… DAAAAAAVE! MAKE SURE YOU FIND WILSON WHILE YOU'RE OUT THERE… WILSOOON! (Castaway Movie for those who don't know :). But poor, poor Dave. No time for emotions… Time to finish this… Be right back... too much going on at once… need to concentrate…

10 Grueling Minutes Later…

KNOCKED OOOOVERR! (another Despicable Me quote) And the hunk of metal comes crashing down on my house (however I'm going to get it off).

*Note from Zombies* Okay, no more eatin brains for us. We just want to make a music video with you now.

What? Do they honestly think that… what's that music? *peeks outside window* Sunflower is singing into a microphone "There are zombies on your lawn." There had to be hundreds of zombies front yard, back yard, and roof (including Dr. Zomboss' machine). All are dancing, singing, having fun. *smiles*One moment. I'm typing this from outdoors now with three sets of peashooters guarding me (precautions are still good). This is actually fun- lol, there is butter on that guy's head. I guess that with music, anything is possible. Maybe. *starts randomly banging head back and forth to music*. Song almost sounds like it's over (that was fast) and I'd better get inside before the zombies get out of hand.

Ahhh, maybe I can get my first good night's rest since the big move. Now I can sell my surplus battle-scarred plants in my shop without worry for now. Things seem great just sitting (now in my house) in my rocking chair. After this whole experience, the zombies will die down and I will also be able to write boring gardening blogs instead of zombie and gardening blogs. My boss will be happy, but sorry for those who look forwards to these issues… At last- there's someone at the door. Perhaps Dave returned from the party (I did see him bungeeing there, fending off a zombie). I'm going to get up to answer the door, hold on… C. R. A. P.

And there in the doorway stands… Dr. Zomboss with no weapon now but his teeth. Hungry for revenge… and brains… (you know, the song discussed how brains were too high in colesteral tsk tsk).


	7. Edition 7 Sure as the Shire

_Hey everyone, I guess you'd call this the final chapter, eh? Well, hope you people out there who are reading the story liked this. I looked on my traffic graph, and I got people all over the world reading this while I'm sitting here in New Jersey O.o Yup, on the graph, there were people from United Kingdom, Canada, Malaysia, Indonesia, Austria, China, New Zealand, and Australia. I'd like to thank all the people that decided to read my story, and I salute those who love this awesome video game. And thank those who tolerated my insane movie jokes (this one has Lord of the Rings). In all, THANKS :D!_

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_Fantastic Flora Weekly_; **Gardener's Blog Edition 7 **Entitled: "Sure as the Shire" Pg 01

There were no pots in the house; and the plants used that day were shoved in the Zen Garden. There was nothing between Dr. Edgar Zomboss and I braced myself. He was the very… VERY last zombie that still had a will to fight… for now.

I had only one thing… the only thing that I had acquired during the early chapters. My dear shovel. I charged at him, full blast with the metallic spade. I swung the shovel as if this Gollum looking character had one too. I started protecting my "precious" brain and aimed right for his bulging head. He bent awkwardly backwards before I could hit him, and he rushed, still bent as if he couldn't stand straight anymore, to the patio and summoned all of the zombies on the property to attack.

He turned around to give an unnecessary speech until I swung at him once more and his whole being exploded. I guess he was just too rotten, but the zombies watched his head roll towards them. The head of their leader stared blankly right at them. Their leader had a large brain. Their leader was ambushed by a bunch of hungry foaming-mouthed zombies. A bit shocked from the cannibalism(?) I took a few steps into my house and slammed the door. I would be hearing the satisfied grunts of the zombies all night long as they headed back home across the street. I was a little late not feeding the zombies their own brains. But I guess I'm "never late. I arrive precisely when I mean to, Frodo Baggins…"

Satisfaction only lasts so long ring from Mordor will return. They'll be taking more zombies to Isengard soon. They'll be "there and back again," that's for sure as the Shire.

I suddenly realize that there are no real neighbors on the other side of me or behind, or behind and next to. There's just Dave and his car. The other day, I went up to Dave and asked why he decided to stay here. Of course his response was "I'M CRAAAZY!" But I think otherwise. Let's put it this way, Dave has lived here (for who knows how long) and fended off any zombies from attacking his house/car. But… What if he was protecting the rest of the world from the suburban zombies? I actually think that I found my niche, and that's exterminating zomboids. This life chose me- and I protect the world. I protect the town. I protect my house and for all plants and brains! I guess I'm not going to move after all that consideration. I'm going to stay right here, mowing zombies and planting with passion. I guess my dream came to me without me even knowing about it. I AM THE PLANT BEARER! AND THESE ZOMBIES SHALL NOT PAAAAASS! It's worth fightin' for, Mr. Frodo.

-Pseudonym The Spontaneous Sapling


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